As summer winds down, autumn winds up. We step into the new season, and suddenly, many decisions crop up as invitations appear at every junction. They shout at me from across the computer screen. They whisper a friendly hello and a greeting in my physical mailbox. For you, the biddings may greet you at the door to a classroom or a church or a committee. The offers to help, sign up, or learn something new surround us. I’m lured by the new summons and inundated by invitations.
How do we discern what to do or not do?
Learning from Joseph’s Dream
I’ve been slowly reading through the Gospel of Matthew, this time in The Message. In thinking about discernment, I was surprised at how I felt envious of Joseph. He was “trying to figure a way out” of the situation with Mary. He had a decision to make, and he was headed down his path, his way.
Yet Joseph reversed course. Why? A dream and an angel! Oh, to have such exact guidance. Joseph not only dreams and encounters a speaking angel, but he also listens and acts in agreement with the angel’s message from God. My dreams are nowhere near as instructive as his, though they occasionally give me pause to stop, pray, and pay attention to what’s welling up within me.
Wisdom for the Way Ahead
Whether I am trying to escape, as it seems Joseph was (“trying to figure a way out”), or trying to make something work by figuring out a way in, my conundrums need assistance. Discernment offers a way to evaluate with insight. I see this need in myself and in the writers and directees I work with, who want to know the next steps but aren’t sure how to find them.
In Psalm 90, it says:
“Teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Yes, Lord, that’s what we need. We want to be people who seek Your wisdom over our days. First and foremost, we desire to know Your will, God, and then go in that direction. James 1:5 tells us to ask God, the generous giver, for such wisdom. In 1 John 4:1, it’s clear that different spirits will also try to influence us, so we must consider who those spirits are and what we believe about what they say. Jesus reminds us that Holy Spirit stands ready to guide us towards truth.
Within St. Ignatius’ teachings, we hear how reflecting on our inner life will help us discover how to act with godliness in our exterior life. Ignatius put great stock in The Examen, a prayer and reflection place to notice thoughts and feelings and see how those lead towards or away from God. In the Examen, I notice if I choose to listen to and adhere to God or am influenced by the enemy of my soul and go towards unwise choices. I discern the best steps forward when I ponder what is being formed within me in prayerful consideration and conversation with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
This grounding of discernment provides the map and the compass for the path ahead. Remember how Moses tried to prepare the people for the Promised Land in Deuteronomy 30? The big picture included thinking about choices towards life or death. In 1 Samuel, we see the benefit of having others who hear and understand God’s voice alongside us. Samuel wasn’t confident in what was happening. Eli offered another perspective. Jesus talks about looking at the fruit, giving sound wisdom about the impact of choices. Paul considers how we will say one thing and then do the opposite. Whether big or small, what is this choice leading towards?
When a multitude of invitations come my way, I start by taking a deep breath. I slow down. I find a quiet space to talk them over with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This is my first priority: to please God.
Desire and Discernment
I pay attention to my desire and how it dovetails with the truth that I am a beloved daughter of the King of kings. Desires give me information about my heart, yet they must also be examined with a clear mind.
I peer behind the curtain of my desire. What’s this hunger, this longing about? Is it a good and holy affection or a distracting affliction? Does this desire tether me more closely to the heart of God and His ways, or does it pull me like a fierce undertow into the ways of the world? I am to steward the life God gives me. Is this desire about trying to control my life, escape suffering, or impress others? Will this discernment lead to deeper steadfastness in following Jesus, or will it instantly gratify some dissonance that sparkles within, seeking to divert me? Being thoughtful keeps me centered attentively on the ways of God and changes me from within to mature into the likeness of Jesus.
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- What’s the desire? Put a name to it.
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- What’s the desire beneath the desire? What’s hovering in the background, the deeper pull?
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- What belief drives this desire?
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- Is this belief full of good, holy truth, joy, or subtle lies that will ultimately lead me away from who God invites me to be?
I remember my great desire to be more with God and more like God. My affection and connection with God establish intimacy and experiences of His Presence. I’m at home in this place of being loved and being with God.
In his Spiritual Exercises, St. Ignatius said, “Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me.” A dream and an angel would help, but that’s not what I’m offered. I’m invited to step into 2 Corinthians 10:5 and take “every thought captive.” I examine it for how it is trying to capture me towards the flow of the wonder and kindness of God, or the shiny momentary sparkles that will fade.
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- Will this choice lead me to a deeper union with God, or will it find me swimming in the supposedly carefree waters of doing my own thing?
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- Am I jumping into something new because God has invited me there or because I am trying to escape something I don’t want to face?
To figure out my desires and discern wisely, I hold onto the filter of truth found in Deuteronomy 6:5: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (NIV) or as The Message says, “Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!” That’s the first criterion to run any discernment question through:
Will this decision keep me Godward?
Practices for Discernment and Decision Making
I run through a checklist using both my mind and heart, creating a funnel of sorts, that helps me sort what’s what.
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- I set aside more time to pray.
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- I remember my identity as the beloved child of a good Father.
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- I delight that Jesus and Holy Spirit intercede for me, and God my Father wants the best for me.
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- I confirm that my thoughts line up with God’s Word and His will.
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- I recall my values, my nonnegotiable standards.
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- I notice my body’s reactions. Am I short of breath? Am I scurrying along too fast? Do I feel tension anywhere in my body? Am I restless, sleepless, easily distractible? My body reveals what my mind or heart may not have yet seen.
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- I pay attention to consolation and desolation—Ignatian terms for what brings us closer or separates us from God. What nudges bubble up? What interior hesitations elbow me? What brings me joy? What saddens me?
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- I stay honest and vulnerable with God. He already knows my heart, but do I know my heart?
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- I ask God for a scene or a story in the Bible to imaginatively pray with, so I can gain a broader perspective on wisdom and discernment.
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- I remember what tempts me to follow myths, mottos, and false beliefs that lead to wobbly thoughts and sinful or incorrect actions.
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- I seek wise counsel from Christ-centered people who know my strengths and foibles.
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- I discuss the interior movements of my heart, soul, and mind with my spiritual director.
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- I seek holy indifference, suspending my expectation of what God ought to do, while holding God’s desire tightly and my choice ever so loosely.
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- I invite Holy Spirit to nudge me in graspable ways.
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- I look at my rhythms and consider whether this new thing should or even could be added in, and if so, how it will impact them. I also consider whether it is meant for a future time rather than now, or perhaps not at all.
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- I consider how this discernment is not only about me and my life, but it’s about stewardship and how I both represent the Kingdom of God and get to invite others home to this haven of peace and joy.
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- I ask, “Whose voice am I listening to?” I follow the thread to its source.
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- I allow space and time to listen to God above all other voices. I carve out a morning of silence to focus on this one place of discernment.
Choosing the Way of Life
While it’s true that I make thousands of decisions each week, most of them need far more assessment of discerning prayer than they usually receive. Waiting at the speed of slow feels wise. I’m loved, loved, loved. Such love changes my perspective, and when I go slow enough to remember the truth, God only wants my best. When I find myself whining because things are too hard or too busy, or when I notice that I am not growing more mature in my faith, I need a good dose of discernment.
I wish discernment were always as clear-cut as a dream and an angel like Joseph experienced. I’d love for it to be as exacting as the red flag days at the beach, when risk-taking surfers and those content to wade at the ocean’s edge are equally forbidden from entering the water due to forces beyond their seeing that have led to strong winds, gigantic waves, and a fierce undertow.
Through prayerful reflection and slowing down to the speed of God’s timing, we grow into mature people who live and breathe a life of discernment. We easily see the thief who steals, kills, and destroys. We turn and go home by another way, the way that leads to life to the full, as Jesus speaks of in John 10:10.
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- What discernment do you need as summer winds down and autumn winds up?
- What discernment led to a smoother road?
- What discernment would have helped you avoid some potholes?
- What discernment is God inviting you into for the path ahead?
We are invited to God’s heart to enjoy Him, to love Him, to be with Him forever and in the day-to-day ordinary moments. May we discern well so our hearts live with joyful union and communion in whatever comes our way.
Another Resource on Discernment
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- The YES that Matters – blog by Lane M. Arnold
